"Smile"

I don’t think I’ve ever told Ruben to smile for a photo.

He either is, or he isn’t. I catch the moment when he’s smiling, or I don’t. Or I’m not bothered if he’s smiling, because I’m catching something else; his puckered mouth when he’s drawing; him observing a spider; asleep; or just whatever is happening at that moment. Life.

Recently I’ve noticed others instructing Ruben to smile: At his nursery; other kid’s parents; at the Museum where they documented each child who had participated in a workshop; the local newspaper. This command is always unquestionable, the “you-must-smile-in-photos-law”. Sometimes I can see that Ruben isn’t quite comfortable. The situation is awkward; he doesn’t know the photographer; why should he have to produce a smile if that’s not what he is feeling? Or maybe he is feeling comfortable, but he’s not full-on grinning. Why isn’t it good enough his obvious natural contentment? Why does he need to provide a “smile” to prove that he is happy?
And finally, why not try giving a smile, if you want to receive one!

Ruben is just starting to respond to this command with a strained grin/grimmace, which pains me and makes me laugh at the same time.

This week we've been out and about in London a lot (half-term holiday) and there are lots of families out there taking photos. Sometimes evidently not having a good time, turning on a smile for the few seconds of a photo, then dropping it like litter afterwards. Quite a show.

Why are we, as a society, so uncomfortable with people who aren’t smiling in photos?
I really am finding it disturbing seeing young children mechanically, automatically, plastically smile as soon as a camera is pointed their way. I’m disturbed that at such a tender age they have internalised this conformity, and disturbed that the photographer needs to command this pose. For my son’s generation the camera and capture of images is truly ubiquitous. Everyone is taking photos, and everywhere we are surrounded by images. What are the lessons we are teaching?

*What you are feeling is not valid, or not important.
*More important is the image others have of you.
*“Others” can only handle the image of you being conspicuously content.
*Someone is only happy if they have a big smile on their face.
*You must conform.
*The recording of a moment is more important than the moment itself.
*The virtual trumps the real.

Am I going to far? Maybe it’s just how I feel today.

And yes I love to catch a photo of a happy smiling face, and the very act of taking photos can become a laugh and another reason to smile. And we've had a good week of smiling. But I want Ruben to feel comfortable with all his emotions. I dream of taking a replica Victorian studio shot of my family, all elegantly posed, and comfortable with being earnest. Many things are beautiful.